


Chrollo's Wrecking Ball

by themadnovelist



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mystery, One Shot, Parody, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 01:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadnovelist/pseuds/themadnovelist
Summary: Gon and the Gang come to Kurapika's aide when tracking down the Spiders in a possibly haunted mansion.Just what is that singing?Pure crack, written with the sole intention of cheering up MuffinMadness who has demanded this be shared with the world.





	Chrollo's Wrecking Ball

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Muffinmadness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffinmadness/gifts).



Footsteps echoed around Gon as he wandered down what felt like endless corridors, the building he was in had long been abandoned. If you had asked him what he thought, he would have said that the place gave him the creeps. Stuck inside this dark, dusty hallway he felt cut off. There was little to no light, the very air was somehow oppressive. As he made his way further into the building he kicked at the stray chunks from the various patches of crumbling plaster. Pausing in surprise, he realised that he was hearing something. Straining his ears, he picked up an oddly haunting voice coming from a room he had thought was empty. When he had passed it before, Hisoka had explained the room was once used as a ‘withdrawing room’. Gon had looked at him with a look of confusion and had been surprised by how patiently Hisoka had then explained what that had meant. The older Hunter always bewildered him. Turning back towards the sound, Gon had to admit, it was beautiful, and he wanted to find out where it was coming from. His natural curiosity led him back to the impressive door with its ornate handle. He turned it gently listening for the click before pushing it open. 

As the door opened the first person to catch Gon’s attention was Hisoka, frozen and apparently speechless. His golden eyes wide and staring in puzzlement at…

The leader of the infamous Phantom Troupe, Gon believed his name was Chrollo Lucilfer, was straddling a huge wrecking ball and swinging from one side of the room to the other. As he flew through the air, he sang. From their position, both Hunters could just about make out the words. It was something about loving someone and them not being allowed to say they had just walked away? Also, that he had come in like a wrecking ball…

“Hisoka?”, Gon asked, it took him a few moments to get the other man’s attention. “Why is...Chrollo wearing a wedding dress?” 

***

Killua had seen Gon disappearing through a random door off the main hallway of the ruined, and possibly haunted mansion. They had come at Kurapika’s request; there had been reported sightings of the Phantom Troupe nearby. The young hunter had been surprised when they’d found Hisoka waiting for them. He even offered to help them in their quest, but he’d gone missing.

Having lost sight of the strange magician, Killua wasn’t prepared to leave Gon to wander about alone and had decided to follow him. At first, he had waited for his friend to re-emerge. 

After a few minutes, and after hearing a strange singing voice,Killua made his decision, and chased after his friend, pushing open the same door with one decisive movement. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the scene inside the macabre room. “Gon, what the hell...”

Killua’s words died in his throat as the head of the Phantom Troupe sailed past, his back arching and bare shoulders sensually rolling as he continued his song. “All I wanted to do was break your walls...” the young hunter's mouth dropped open. “All you ever did was break me, yeah you wreck me.” 

Gon was standing beside Hisoka. They were both starring, seemingly transfixed.

Deciding that they could both handle the strange situation by themselves, Killua slowly backed out of the room. Relying on his training as an assassin to remain perfectly silent as he moved. Once he had made it to the hallway, he set off at a sprint for the grounds outside the mansion, and to the safety of the forest beyond. 

***

“Gon?” Kurapika called out as he entered another room through its already open door. “I think I just saw Killua running down the corridor, and, have you see Leori-” he started to ask but was cut short. Yet again, Chrollo came swinging past, clad in an exquisitely tailored wedding dress, singing at the top of his voice. “You know what…I’m just gonna come back later...” 

***

Feitan was becoming curious, as he carried out his patrol. So far he’d seen the kids walking up and down the hallways wearing various expressions of horror and shock. He was also certain he knew the sound of his Danchou’s voice. Just like he knew it wasn’t like their leader to be unnecessarily loud. Hands behind his back he slowly made his way over to peek in through the open door. 

“No…Thanks.”, he muttered in his broken English, and walked back the way he’d come; determined to finish his patrol before rejoining the others. 

***

Machi was surprised to bump into Feitan on her way to investigate the source of all the commotion. The small man pointedly tried to avoid making eye contact as he passed her by, muttering under his breath about the need for alcohol, as well as an exorcist. Shaking her head, she found herself humming along to a familiar tune; but try as she might, the woman just couldn’t place it. As she walked down the corridor in the direction her fellow spider had come from, the noise grew louder and louder.

The sight that greeted her as she reached the open door was not one she would soon forget. After pausing to gape at her beloved Danchou making what could only be described as an exhibition of himself - along with Gon and Hisoka, who were simply standing there and watching - Machi decided enough was enough. She marched up to the nonplussed magician and slapped him across the face.

“What on earth are you just standing there for you stupid clown?” she demanded. “You should be getting him down!” She pointed up at the still swaying ball and chain for effect. 

Taken completely aback by the slap, Hisoka rubbed his jaw and looked in bewilderment between the swinging Troupe leader and the angry pink haired woman. “Just what do you expect me to be able to do Machi?” he asked curiously. 

Realising she wasn’t going to get any help from either of them, Machi glared. Finally making up her mind, she sighed theatrically and stormed out, determined to find an actual loyal member of the Troupe to _fix this_.

***

It wasn’t much later when a distraught Machi had burst into the room that Nobunaga had been relaxing in, along with Franklin and Phinks. They’d all listened to her description of their clearly disturbed leader and the way Hisoka was just _letting it happen_, but they didn’t quite believe her. Phinks and Franklin had agreed to remain with the upset woman while he had volunteered to check it out. 

That was how he found himself in a room, that had some impressively large hole in its walls. To his amazement, and exactly as described, there was his Danchou riding – and singing – on top of a god dammed _wrecking ball_. He was even wearing a bloody wedding dress. What disturbed Nobunaga the most, was that it appeared, for all intents and purposes, like Chrollo was having the time of his life. 

Surveying the room allowed Nobunaga to spot two figures he recognised as Hisoka and Gon. They had taken up residence in a corner of the room, out of the way of the balls current trajectory. Looking at the floor with a practised eye he could see the various spots they had moved from to avoid being hit. Neither Hunter appeared worried, in fact to the spiders mild annoyance they were just watching. Staring dumbstruck as their eyes tracked his Danchou’s progress; their facial expressions were a picture of morbid fascination. 

“We need Uvo,” he muttered to himself and left them all it.

***

It didn’t take long for Nobunaga to return with the burley Troupe member in tow. He’d spent the entirety of the short walk to the withdrawing room laughing, but quickly stopped when he saw the situation for himself. His green-hazel eyes widened in surprise when he saw the ruined room and their leader...putting on a show. 

_Thank you_ Nobunaga thought and stood aside to let his friend put an end to the madness. 

Instead Uvogin let out an excited yell, “Oh HELL YEAH!! That looks like fun!”

_What?_ Nobunaga thought, but before he could say anything Uvogin had already run straight for the wildly spinning ball. Silently, Nobunaga slapped his palm to his face. He watched through his fingers as the large man, excited as a kid at Christmas, ran straight into the ball’s path and used his Nen to protect himself from the incoming damage. He caught it against his chest with an excited bark of laughter. Chrollo’s back was to him, and he grinned wildly down at the smaller man who had suddenly stopped singing. 

“Mind if I get on?” he growled, face still stretched into his signature wolfish grin. 

When his boss made no sign of protest, Uvogin lifted the man up and repositioned them both so that he was sitting on the ball with Chrollo on his lap.

“Hey, Hisoka!” Uvogin bellowed to the two in the corner, “Let’s get this thing going!” 

Nobunaga could only watch as the Magician’s face split into a shit-eating grin, and in response, with a flick of his wrist, used his Bungee Gum to start the wrecking ball swinging once again.

Nobunaga continued to stare in shock as, once more, the room filled with the sound of Chrollo’s masterful singing, in duet with Uvogin’s wild laughter.

***

It was ten minutes later that the rest of the Troupe wander in. Feitan had somehow managed to find an entire crate of Sake, and Phinks had a tray of glasses carefully balanced in his hand. 

Without a word, Feitan offered an entire bottle to the shell shocked Samurai. Gon and Hisoka had wandered over to join him after Uvogin had not so subtly pushed off from a wall and sent the ball spiralling in their direction. 

“What’s that?” Gon asked curiously.

“Sake,” Feitan replied.

“Can I have some?” The young boy asked.

“Sure.” Feitan held another bottle out, but before Gon could grab it, Machi had snatched it from the small man’s hand. 

“He’s not even fifteen,” she scolded.

“So?” Feitan deadpanned, clearly not seeing the issue.

Machi huffed and shook her head, taking the Sake for herself and stalking over to Phinks for a glass.

“You know,” Shizuku observed. “We should probably figure out what’s actually going on here.”

“Yeah,” Shalnark agreed, coming to stand by her side. “But maybe wait till the morning? They both look so...happy.” 

“Besides,” Hisoka chimed in gleefully. “I already set the security system to record an hour ago.”


End file.
